You’ve been so busy building a meaningful life that you forgot to make it livable.
On Monday I went hiking with a good friend.
We used to do this all the time. Every few weeks, we’d hit the trails, talk about life, solve the world’s problems, and come back feeling recharged. It was our thing.
Then life got busy, for both of us. Bigger workloads. Projects around the house. All the usual suspects.
We didn’t decide to stop hiking together. We just… sort of stopped doing it. We’re still close friends, but the habit of getting out regularly for hikes just kind of faded away.
This week, we finally made it happen again. Out in the incredible fall colours, breathing in the crisp fresh air, talking and laughing like no time had passed at all.
Halfway along the trail, I found myself wondering: Why the hell did we stop doing this?
Not just the hiking, and not just him and I. But all of it; the activities that make you feel alive. Spending quality time with the people who matter most. Doing the things that used to recharge your soul.
When did I become too “successful” to do the things that sustain me?
It’s Not Just Me
I’m sure you can relate to this feeling. I see it so often (and am obviously guilty of it myself).
You didn’t wake up one day and decide, “You know what? I’m going to stop doing the things I love and slowly drift away from the people who matter most.”
Nobody does that. (If that is you, please – get help.)
Instead, you just kept saying “next month.” Or “when things calm down.” Or “after this big project.”
Meanwhile, your calendar filled up with meetings and your task list ballooned. Your inbox exploded. Your evenings became Netflix binges to decompress from the grind. Your weekends became nothing more than extensions of the work week, time to catch up on all the things you didn’t get done during the week.
And somewhere in all the noise and chaos of a busy life, the stuff that actually mattered quietly slipped away.
The Saturday morning basketball games? Gone.
The friend who always made you laugh? You haven’t seen them in six months.
The creative project that used to excite you? Still sitting there, untouched.
The trade we’re making is insane: we’re exchanging the activities that energize us and the relationships that sustain us for… what, exactly?
The illusion of being “on top of things”?
The Double Loss
What’s really happening is worse than you think.
You’re losing two things at once:
First, the activities that charge you up.
For me, it’s hiking. For you, it might be playing music, painting, cooking, working with your hands, gardening — whatever that thing is that makes you feel like yourself.
These aren’t hobbies. They’re not optional extras you do if you have time left over.
They’re load-bearing structures. Take them away, and you start to crumble.
Second, the people who matter.
Friendships don’t survive on good intentions. They need rhythm. They need ritual. They need showing up.
And here’s the cruel irony: the more successful you get, the more isolated you become.
You’re “too busy” for deep connection. Too tired to make plans. Too optimized for productivity to leave room for the messy, inefficient, beautiful act of just being with people.
Welcome to the loneliness epidemic. It’s not just happening to other people. It’s happening to you.
You’re working yourself to death to build a life you’re too drained to enjoy, with people you’re too busy to see.
Why This Keeps Happening
This isn’t a discipline problem.
It’s not a time management problem.
It’s not even a priorities problem.
It’s a design problem.
Your life is optimized for productivity, not sustainability. For output, not connection. For appearing successful, not feeling alive.
“All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy.”
Even worse – it also makes Jack very lonely. And increasingly irrelevant. And one day, when he finally has time to breathe, he realizes he’s lost the relationships and activities that gave his life meaning in the first place.
You didn’t consciously choose this approach to life.
You downloaded it from a culture that worships productivity and treats rest and meaningful connection like a moral failure.
It’s the operating system we’re all running: treat joy as a reward for productivity. Treat relationships as “nice to haves.” Treat rest as something you’ll get around to eventually.
And it’s killing us.
You can’t rewrite the entire operating system overnight. But you can start by changing your own source code.
The Fix (And It’s Not What You Think)
You already know the problem. You’ve felt it for months, maybe years.
But what are you going to do about it?
Because you can’t “find time” for this stuff. You tried that. It doesn’t work.
Time doesn’t appear. You have to create space. You have to build it into your architecture.
Treat soul-sustaining activities and key relationships like important meetings. Because that’s what they are.
Put it on the calendar. Make it a system, not a hope.
Will it be perfect? Of course not, life will still get in the way sometimes. But it’s infinitely better than letting the things that matter most silently drift away without you even noticing.
This is systems over willpower. This is architecture over intention.
You don’t need more motivation. You need better design.
What that looks like in practice
- Pick one activity that used to make you feel alive. Put it on your calendar. Weekly or monthly, doesn’t matter. Just make it recurring.
- Pick one person who matters. Reach out today. Not “let’s grab coffee sometime.” Actual date, actual time, locked in the calendar.
- Treat these commitments like you treat work meetings. Because they’re more important than work meetings.
These aren’t rewards for good behaviour, not things you do after you’ve earned them.
Remove the foundations that make your life great, and it’ll eventually collapse on you.
The Important Question
What’s the one activity that used to make you feel alive? When did you last do it?
Who’s the friend you keep meaning to reconnect with?
The question isn’t whether you have time.
The question is whether you can afford not to.
Of course you’re busy, working to build something meaningful. To level up. To achieve something and become the next version of yourself.
But if you’re sacrificing the activities and people that make life worth living along the way, you’re just building yourself a prison.
And one day, you’ll look around and realize you’ve locked yourself inside.
What’s one thing you can put back in your life this week?
Who can you reach out to today?
Don’t wait for “when things calm down.” (They won’t).
Start now. Before the things and people that make you feel alive forget your name.
Quote I’ve Been Pondering
“It is not that we have a short time to live, but that we waste much of it.”
— Seneca
Journal Prompt
Where am I spending energy maintaining what drains me, instead of designing what sustains me?
Until next week!!
Work and live well.
Tim
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