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Planning Your Escape: Breaking Free From Work That Doesn’t Work For You
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Introduction
We all experience periods of dissatisfaction or discontent in our careers. It’s normal. But what if that feeling of frustration has transformed into a chronic sense of dread and dissatisfaction? That is a clear warning sign that you need to change something.
For mid-career professionals resenting their jobs, this post is for you. After reading this, you’ll have a better understanding of why you stay in a job you don’t like and what to do about it. Only with clarity can you move forward and make change.
And if you resent your job, change is a necessity.
Why You Stay In a Job You No Longer Enjoy
I know you’re thinking the answer is obvious – you’re staying because you can’t afford to quit. You’re trapped with a set of golden handcuffs. That might be true; but it is also a simple, shallow response to a complex question. Like most simple answers to complicated questions, you need to dig deeper to get to the real challenges. There are almost always additional layers to uncover. It is in exploring these deeper levels where you will find the stuff that really matters. Interrogate deeper to identify and remove the real obstacles.
Job dissatisfaction isn’t always obvious. It may manifest as a lack of motivation, constant fatigue, or an unshakeable feeling of boredom. It may be moments of envy when a friend talks about their job, or an overwhelming sense of relief when a holiday rolls around. If you are often cynical and negative in the workplace, that is a definite sign. If ignored, these subtle signs can lead to burnout, stress, and a severe impact on your overall quality of life. Your physical and mental well-being can also be severely negatively impacted.
While there are several potential reasons you may stay, I think most of them relate to one overarching theme; fear. It is fear that keeps you trapped.
Fear of the unknown
Change is frightening, especially when it involves your livelihood. The fear of uncertainty often anchors us in the comfort zone, no matter how unsatisfying it may be. Everyone needs to feel a sense of financial stability. Bills to pay and mouths to feed can make any risky career move seem unthinkable.
Everything can look scary in the dark. The primary function of the human mind is to predict the future. That is why we form memories; to learn what works and what doesn’t, so that we can more accurately make predictions. We crave safety and stability. It is our very nature.
Fear of failure
This is another way that fear can keep you stuck in a job that isn’t working for you anymore. You probably got to be pretty good at doing your work; it has led you to some success. But if you make a major shift, you enter a more chaotic state. You are less sure of what to do, and things will take you longer. The first few times you do something, it likely will not be very good. This can be extremely discouraging, to where you feel it is easier to delay making change – or put it off indefinitely.
Not actively pursuing the type of career you want allows you to continue to imagine that you will one day be doing the work you long to do. You can keep your dream alive. If you try but realize you aren’t any good at it, or like it less than you thought you might, you may need to face reality.
Sometimes the truth can be scary.
Lack of self-confidence
Another face of fear is a lack of self-confidence. Imposter syndrome is a real thing. You may ask yourself questions like;
- “Why would anyone pay me to do that?”
- “Will someone hire me at this age? Aren’t I too old?”
- “Am I able to start from the bottom and work my way up? Do I still have it in me?”
Such self-doubt can keep us stuck in jobs that no longer serve us.
Fear of what others think
There are always societal pressures on you, shaping you in ways you often are not aware of. There are expectations to follow traditional, ‘safe’ paths. To be sensible. There are also expectations from others about who you are; people are used to identifying you in a certain way. They may not want you to change, to chase your dream. After all, they like you the way you are.
You’ve likely built up some career capital, having established a reputation for doing quality work. Radically changing things up at work means that you will explore uncertain spaces, and you will be more likely to make mistakes. Your work may not be up to your usual standards. You don’t want people to think less of you.
You also may worry that people will think you are completely nuts. After all, you’ve been successful; why would you not just be happy with things? Why would you dare to dream bigger when you already have so much success?
Don’t under-estimate how much emphasis you put on how much you worry about what others will think. We evolved to be part of the tribe, so you unconsciously put a lot of importance on what you believe others will think of you. (Side note: they probably aren’t thinking about you much at all; they are more focused on dealing with whatever is going on in their lives.)
Fear of success
This may seem counter-intuitive, but sometimes people are fearful of what will happen if they realize a major goal. After you have done so, what is next? It requires entering another period of uncertainty, which causes anxiety. People naturally avoid stress and anxiety.
The Real Cost of Staying
Health
The price of staying in an unsatisfying job is far higher than we realize. Chronic stress and unhappiness can take a significant toll on physical and mental health. Without health, not much else matters. I have gone through a huge work-related burnout, and the impact that this has on all aspects of your life cannot be over-stated. It negatively impacts everything you hold dear.
Career
Professionally, sticking in a job that is no longer right for you often leads to stagnation and missed opportunities for growth. Increased levels of cynicism and negativity can damage relationships at work and lower your perceived value. A negative attitude drives people away at work.
Personal impacts
Job dissatisfaction can damage your relationships outside of work. There is no distinction between “work life” and “personal life”; you only have one life. If you aren’t happy in your work, this negative energy will inevitably bleed into your relationships outside work. You can’t just shut off those feelings when you step out of work.
The energy drain that happens while working at a job you don’t like will also hinder you from fully pursuing interests outside of work. This creates a negative spiral, as your resentment towards your job will increase.
So what do you do?
Now that you know you shouldn’t stay in a job that no longer works for you, now what? How do you fix this problem?
No – you should not just quit your job and “follow your passion”, thinking that things will just work out if you do what you love. While this is what many self-improvement “gurus” preach these days, that is a recipe for disaster.
Making a major shift to your career is a complex undertaking. You need a roadmap that shows you how to get from where you are to where you want to be. That is your next step; start building out your career transformation roadmap.
Change is undeniably scary, but it’s also thrilling and liberating. Embracing change can unlock new challenges, fostering professional growth and personal development. It can provide the opportunity to bring renewed motivation.
Imagine a career that excites you, a job that leaves you feeling satisfied instead of drained. Picture waking up thrilled for the day ahead, instead of dreading work. Think it isn’t possible for you? It is – but only if you truly believe it is possible, and start taking action towards it.
Your dream job does not exist “out there”; you need to craft it.
How Career Coaching Can Help
My expertise as a career coach and work architect can be of help. I help people craft a work life that is perfect for them. I work with successful mid-career professionals to help them;
- build a solid foundation from which to build a career upon
- get clarity on what role they want for work to play in their lives
- establish a compelling vision for their career
- understand their current strengths
- build concrete, actionable plans to move forward
- establish the systems, processes, and habits that will facilitate the transition
- hold them to account for their commitments
Having a career coach provides a safe space for you to clarify your fears, ambitions, and dreams without fear of judgement. A coach can help you recognize the blind spots you have and obstacles that you are putting in your own way, as well as providing frameworks and best practices to facilitate change. They also provide accountability, ensuring you move forward.
Call to Action
How much longer will you stay in a job you resent? Do you plan to wait for things to calm down before figuring it out? (Hint – they won’t.) The longer you delay starting, the more of your precious life you will waste on doing work that isn’t right for you. And that is a damn shame.
Especially when help is available. I offer a free initial consultation to help get you started.
Remember, staying in an unsatisfying job is a choice, not an obligation. But your dream career won’t fall out of the sky onto your lap – you need to act.
Quotation that I have been pondering
The quote that I have been pondering over the past few days comes from the incredible author, Steven Pressfield. He challenges us to push ourselves past what he refers to as ‘Resistance’, which is the fear of doing the work that we know deep down we should be doing.
Where in your life or career are you holding yourself back, living smaller than you are capable of? In the short term, it may be easier to coast. But you only get one shot at living an amazing life, so you may as well try to knock it out of the park.
Journal Prompt
Imagining and dreaming of an incredible future can be incredibly powerful. But not if you only keep the dream in your head, not actually doing anything about it. Imagining the future is easy. Moving towards your dream is harder. Most of us are guilty of not moving forward quickly and consistently enough, but that is what it takes to achieve meaningful goals.
Stop making it so hard on yourself by not thinking so big.
Getting moving is the biggest barrier. Once you get in motion, it is a lot easier to keep going. You also feel more motivation when you see the progress, as you reinforce your identity as someone that achieves goals.
