Hey Reader! 👋🏻👋🏻👋🏻

Spring is trying to show itself finally! I got outside this week and got some work done around the house. That felt great! I love being able to putter around outside. I even built a new raised vegetable garden bed, so my wife is quite pleased about that.

Make sure you get some time outside this week. It is so good for the soul, especially in today’s age when we spend so much time in front of screens.

This week, we’ll explore the idea of happiness.

Let’s dive in!!

Tim

Chasing Shadows: Your Misguided Quest for Constant Happiness

What is happiness?

I came across this question somewhere and found myself stunned I did not have a straightforward answer. It is a tougher question than you might think at first, especially considering how much time and energy we put into pursuing happiness.

If you ask people what they want out of their life, almost everyone says something like “I just want to be happy.” Seems to make sense at first blush. However, allow me to throw out a controversial idea:

Happiness should NOT be your goal.

Now that I’ve got your attention, let’s think about what happiness is, and then I can explain why I don’t think it should be something you strive for.

According to the Oxford dictionary, “happiness” is “the state of being happy”. Well, that’s not super helpful! If you look up the term “happy”, we can get farther; it has a few definitions:

“feeling or showing pleasure of contentment”
“having a sense of trust and confidence in”, “satisfied with the quality of”, “willing to do something”
“fortunate and convenient”

After seeing those explanations for happiness, why would I make the ridiculous claim that happiness should not be a goal? Who wouldn’t want the above?

I think about happiness a bit differently. Or maybe I’m focusing in on the idea of “having a sense of trust and confidence”, but it feels different to me.

To me, happiness is an emotional state that arises when my expectations are exceeded. This means that the feeling of happiness is relative, so it is possible for me to feel happy, even when something I may view as negative is happening. If my expectations are exceeded, I’m happy. Conversely, if something falls short of my expectations, I’m disappointed and not happy.

Now that you understand how I think about happiness, can you see why I don’t feel that happiness should be a goal?

If you were always happy, that would mean that everything in your life would be consistently exceeding your expectations. Which would imply that you were setting your expectations of yourself way too low and weren’t striving to grow. Stepping out of your comfort zone and into something new is required for growth, and doing so means that you’re going to fail sometimes. You might even fail often. If you’re always winning, you’re not living up to your potential.

Living up to your potential is what you’re here for, so constantly chasing happiness will mean you’re not fully living.

It’s interesting to think of happiness as desirable, but only in small doses. We need to experience the other emotions in life as well in order to live fully. But we definitely also need moments of happiness. For me, that can mean:

sitting in a pub with a cold beer and an excellent book
spending quality time connecting with my amazing wife
taking a walk in nature
visiting an art gallery and getting lost in the art
savouring the flavours, textures, aromas, and presentation of an incredible meal
feeling myself moved by an inspiring piece of dance

I know these are the things that make me happy. However, if I am being honest, it is too easy to set these activities aside, to not make the time for them, and to focus instead on getting things done. Always trying to eke out more productivity is not the greatest strategy, yet it is a trap that many of us fall into. Repeatedly. It is an area I continue to work on improving.

I’m sure that many of you can relate. While you shouldn’t chase happiness, make sure you know which specific things are most likely to make you happy, and ensure that you’re making some time for them. Dedicate time to building the life and career you dream of. But also dedicate time to those activities that make you happy.

As the old saying goes, “All work and no play makes Jack a dull boy’.”

While the language of that saying feels a bit dated, the spirit behind it is as relevant as ever.

Don’t chase happiness. But make sure you make time and space for it in your life.

Quotation that I’ve been pondering

We spent a lot of time and energy trying to boost our power and influence in the world. This can take the form of working hard with the goal of recognition and promotion, seeking to climb the corporate ladder to earn more money or get a fancy title, or buying the coolest car on the market.

The philosopher Socrates challenges us to behave differently in this quote:

“I have not sought during my life to amass wealth and to adorn my body, but I have sought to adorn my soul with the jewels of wisdom, patience, and above all with a love of liberty.”

Wisdom. Patience. And a love of liberty.

I don’t think we can ask for too much more than that. Those seem like ideal domains to focus on improving ourselves.

Journal prompt

“What are the things in life that make me happy? How can I ensure I bring more of these things into my life?”

It is worth reflecting on what brings you meaning and joy, as having that knowledge is a critical step to allowing you to have more of it in your life. If you’re not intentional about adding things you enjoy to your day, other people will fill your time for you. Challenge yourself to put aside a bit of time every day to do something that brings you some joy.