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Hey everyone!

First off, I’d like to wish a Happy Father’s Day to all the dads out there. We sometimes take for granted the powerful role that fathers play in our lives. I hope you were able to connect with your dad in some way today.

This is a bit of a longer post this week. I hope you find it helpful!

If you know someone that you think would find this content useful, please forward this on to them! I want to be useful to as many people as possible.

Please reach out (tim@timparkins.com) if you have questions for me or topics you’d like to see me cover.

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50+ Timeless Rules For Living An Amazing Life

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I just returned from a wonderful get-away to Quebec City. My amazing wife took me there to celebrate my 50th birthday. I am not sure why, but while we were on the train on the way there, the urge to write out some of the life lessons I’ve learned along the way struck me. After all, 50 years is a pretty long time, certainly long enough that I should have accumulated some wisdom. I thought I’d share what I came up with.

1. Time is fleeting and scarce. But it is okay to savour and enjoy it. There is a bit of a tension here, where time we look at time as the most important asset we have. We do so for good reason; there is no way to get more of it. It is finite. But that doesn’t mean we need to be productive all the time. It is okay to just enjoy the moment. In fact, that is the whole point.
2. Change is hard. Change is tough to go through, even if it is a welcome change. Just because it is something you want doesn’t mean it will be easy to go through. Some people are more adept at navigating certain types of change than others, but everyone will struggle to deal with change to some extent. We need to be patient with ourselves and others navigating change.
3. You get more of what you focus on. Where you direct your attention impacts what you see, so choosing where you direct your attention is critical. It literally changes your world. Choosing where you will direct your attention is one of the most important choices you make in life.
4. Small, repeated actions over a consistent time lead to much better results than occasional massive effort. The way to get big things done is a bit at a time, consistently.
5. You are responsible for everything in your life. If you aren’t happy with something in your life, it is up to you to fix it. No one else will. Stop waiting for the government to fix it, for your boss to help you, or for your spouse to change. You are the only one with the true power to change your life.
6. The most important relationship you have is with yourself. Yet most of us speak to ourselves in ways we would never speak to anyone else. Stop doing that and treat yourself as if you are your own best friend. If you can’t love yourself, you can’t properly love others.
7. Conformity is a mistake. Society teaches us to be uniform, to think like others, to toe the line. When we are young, we do everything we can to fit in. But what allows us to bring the most to the table is to fully be ourselves. True beauty emerges when we fully embrace our uniqueness.
8. Others aren’t thinking about you as much as you think. We worry a lot about what other people think of us, when the truth is they don’t think about us much at all. People are busy living their own life, trying their best to figure out their stuff. They don’t have the time or energy to put much attention to what you are doing. Stop worrying about what others think of you; they aren’t.
9. Fear and excitement are twins. We mistake the two all the time, as they feel the same to us. Think about it; when you are excited about doing something, your heart races and you get those butterflies in your stomach. You get those same sensations when you are terrified of something. Consider that maybe what you are interpreting as fear is actually excitement.
10. Goals will take longer to accomplish than you think. This is called the planning fallacy, where we plan things as if everything will go perfectly. Anyone with much life experience knows that things rarely go perfectly. Being optimistic is typically helpful, but not when developing plans. Allow time and space for things to go wrong, because they inevitably will.
11. The best way to be an interesting person is to live an interesting life. People often wonder how to engage other people in conversation, feeling they don’t know what to say. It boils down to having meaningful experiences in life. No one wants to hear from you if all you did was work all day; how boring! Instead, do interesting things, even if they are small.
12. Having energy is much more valuable than having time. If you have time on your hands but low energy levels, you can’t fully capitalize on the time. If you are full of energy, you can do a lot in a short time. Prioritize things that give you energy; managing energy levels is more important than managing time.
13. The point of a goal isn’t to achieve it. The real reason behind setting goals is to guide you as to how you should invest your time, energy, and attention. By setting a goal, you learn what skills you need to learn, what habits to form, and what systems and processes to establish. Having goals is a way of prioritizing things in your life.
14. People are mostly the same. We like to think of ourselves as very different from everyone else. To some extent, we are. But we are all after the same things; it is just our approaches that differ. We all want the same basic things; to feel secure, to give and receive love, to have an overall sense of contentment with life, to feel that we matter. The more you help others have these basic things, the more you will feel you have them yourself.
15. Hard work alone will not guarantee success. Instead, it increases your odds of success. You aren’t likely to be really successful without hard work, but just working hard is not enough. You also need to have some luck thrown in.
16. Life is nuanced and complex. There are very few things in the world that are black or white; there are levels of nuance to everything. Life is a complicated mess with more variables than we imagine. Most things are not this OR that, but this AND that; they are different shades of grey instead of black or white. So stop being so sure of yourself and how right you are.
17. Creating your life > living your life. Many people bounce through life, just living it. This is a mistake. You shouldn’t expect to get the life you want just by chance. You need to be intentional about it, and craft a life that you love to live. Create the life you want to live.
18. Most things matter WAY less than you think. Stop taking yourself so seriously. Life is to be enjoyed. Ask yourself if the reason you are so upset right now will matter at all in 5 years. Or 50. Or 500. If you’re honest, you’ll admit it makes no difference at all.
19. Asking questions is one of the best ways to be smart. People are afraid of asking questions, as they don’t want to look stupid. So they keep quiet. Without asking questions, you can’t learn. Chance are that there are others confused as well. Don’t be shy to ask questions; people love to explain! It is the best way to learn, and rather than judge you for asking, the other people who were too shy to ask will feel relieved that someone asked.
20. Sometimes rules need to be broken. But sometimes they need to be followed. It takes wisdom to discern the difference. Rules develop over time, and sometimes they stop making sense. Before deciding to break a rule, consider what the spirit of the rule is. What was the intent? If you are respecting the intent of the rule, it may make sense to break it. The key to breaking any rule is to be ready to face the full consequences of doing so.
21. Focus on your strengths rather than trying to correct your weaknesses. Too many people try to work on their weaknesses. You should only work on weaknesses if they are “fatal flaws” (things that will have a huge detrimental impact on your life). Instead of trying to develop areas of weakness that you have little aptitude or interest in, surround yourself with people to support you in those areas. Or develop systems and processes to help compensate. And then double-down on your strengths.
22. Work is not something to be escaped from. Many feel the need to escape the working world, longing to be wealthy enough to not need to work. But in order to live fully, we need something meaningful to pursue. A life of nothing but leisure will quickly lead to trouble. The goal shouldn’t be to be done with working, but to have the freedom to do the work you want, with the people you want to do it with. If we are not contributing to making things better, we are in the process of dying.
23. You have enough time. Stop saying (and believing) you don’t. That is nothing more than an excuse. What you mean when you say you don’t have time is that you don’t know how to prioritize. Or that you are scared, or maybe you lack clarity about what to do. You have time.
24. Most things are outside of your control. Many people spend a lot of energy and cycles worrying about things they cannot possibly control. Instead, focus on how you respond to things in your life. This is one of the few areas that you actually have control over. Responding is much preferable to reacting.
25. You can’t wait for motivation to strike before you start. That is backwards. Just get started, and the motivation to continue will arrive. This is Newton’s first law of motion; an object at rest will stay at rest unless a force acts against it. Stop waiting for inspiration; that’s for amateurs.
26. You don’t discover who you are. You create your identity through your actions. People resist this idea, as it puts a tremendous responsibility on their shoulders. It is much easier to blame others for where you are at in life, rather than accepting that you create your identity. But knowing that you create it gives you the power to shape it as you wish.
27. Treating people kindly costs nothing. While it is free to be nice to people, treating them poorly is expensive. Not only does it make them feel bad if you treat someone poorly, but you are setting your world up with negativity. Goodness does not arise from negativity. You are hurting yourself by treating others poorly, so don’t be a jerk and treat people right.
28. Achieving a goal is not important, but becoming someone that achieves goals is. The genuine power of achieving a goal is in crafting your identity as someone that can accomplish things. When you set a goal and then achieve it, you prove to yourself (and others) that you are someone that can get stuff done. Having a belief in your ability to accomplish things is a super-power.
29. You can get away with ignoring more things than you realize. We all get caught up in things that don’t really matter, and waste energy and cycles caught up in them. By not engaging with these things, they evaporate like a fog in the morning sun.
30. Health is by far the most important thing. If you don’t have your health, nothing else seems to matter. Yet when we feel stress or pressure, one of the first things we drop is taking care of ourselves. Be very cautious about doing this; you can’t rely on it as a long-term strategy. If you have a lot of money, an incredible job, or an amazing relationship but poor health, you are in trouble. None of those matter compared to your health, so invest in protecting it.
31. We don’t appreciate the power of compounding. We know that investing earlier leads to more money due to compound interest. But we forget the power of compounding relating to our daily actions; how much we exercise, how we eat, how we treat people. These actions also compound over time and have a massive impact on our quality of life. Remember that this cuts both ways; a bad habit done repeatedly also has a compounding effect.
32. Always follow your curiosity. If you are interested in something, learn about it. We put more attention on things we feel we can monetize or on things where we see an immediate concrete benefit. Curiosity is one of the best indications of something you should invest in exploring.
33. Persistence is a virtue. It can also be a tremendous problem. When trying to do something meaningful, it will be hard at first. It may require you to persist, to keep trying. But sometimes we need to realize that we are pushing against a door that is locked, and it doesn’t matter how hard we push – it will not open for us. It may mean that this is not your path, or at least not right now. It takes wisdom and honest introspection to know if you are giving up because you feel frustrated or scared, or if you realize that it just isn’t right for you.
34. Only compare yourself to who you were before. There will always be someone who is better looking, has more money, has a cooler job title, or has a nicer house than you. But there is no one better at being you. As long as you feel good about your growth and the trajectory you’re on, that is enough. Being proud of how you’ve grown and who you’ve become is what matters.
35. The principle that “I will be happy when…” is complete bullshit. I am someone that firmly believes in setting goals and working hard to accomplish things. But I’ve also learned while it feels good to accomplish something, that feeling is fleeting. Happiness is a temporary state. We quickly adapt to our new situation, and the feeling wears off. We will always strive towards the next level. Enjoying the process matters more than achieving the result.
36. Smiles are contagious, but so is negativity. If you want to have more people around you who are happier, smile more. Such a simple hack to live in a happier world.
37. You can’t run away from your problems. What you see as problems in your environment are reflections of your interior world, and that interior world goes with you wherever you go. The only way through is to change this interior world, to tell yourself and others a different story about who you are. Instead of running away from something, you need to run towards something better.
38. Having clarity about what you want from your life is one of the most important things you can do. Yet few people have this clarity, nor even set time aside to allow themselves to imagine what they might want. Calm yourself down and think about what you really want.
39. Writing is a tool for thinking. I often thought of writing as a tool for communications, which it is. But it is also a tool for thinking, forcing you to clarify your thoughts. To improve one’s ability to write is to improve one’s ability to think. Write more.
40. Having energy is more valuable than having time. If you have time on your hands but you have little energy, you cannot accomplish much with the time. You will just waste the time. However, if you have lots of energy, you can get a lot done quickly. Prioritize energy management over time management.
41. Things will change more than you think. When imagining the future, and making long-term plans for yourself, keep in mind that everything will change more than you think it will. That the world will undergo a lot of change is intuitive to most people. But most people underestimate how much they will change as well. What matters most to you and the things you believe today are likely to change.
42. Being busy is lazy. It is very easy to spend all your time flailing around doing stuff that doesn’t really matter. Any chump can do that. But it is not helpful. The world needs you to do the hard things you are here to do.
43. Be careful about what you compromise on. Life is full of making compromises with other people (and yourself). The ability to negotiate with others and make trade-offs is a critical skill for getting stuff done. But you need to be very careful about what compromises you make. Understand what is non-negotiable for you and have the backbone to stick to it. Regret and resentment are tough to deal with, and you will feel them if you compromise on the wrong things.
44. Being healthy is about more than eating well and exercising. There are three components to health; physical health, mental health, and spiritual health. Being truly healthy requires having health in all three domains. Build practices and habits to protect and promote all of them.
45. Use fear as a signal of what to do. We avoid things we fear. Instead of running away from things that scare you, consider fear as a signal of something that you need to do. A hero’s quest for you to undertake. Living fully requires you to face your dragon head-on.
46. Everyone is flawed, including your heroes. Stop beating yourself up because you aren’t perfect. No one is perfect, not even your heroes. Even the greatest people of all time were flawed.
47. Execution matters more than information. Information is no longer power. It used to be the case that information was scarce and not distributed. Being “in the know” was a key to success. This is no longer true; information is everywhere. Being able to curate the information and to act on it is much more important today. No one is going to “steal your idea”; ideas are everywhere. Good execution matters.
48. Value doing > planning. Planning is useful and important. But many people spend too much time planning and not enough time executing. When you execute, you will encounter the things you never expected. As Mike Tyson said, “Everyone has a plan until they get punched in the face.” Being able to adapt plans to reality based on experience is the key.
49. Comfort is the enemy of success. One of the biggest enemies of a glorious life is a comfortable life. While success is wonderful, it is a double-edged sword. Success can lull you into a false sense of security. You shift from going after what you want to protecting what you’ve got. You stop growing, thinking that you’ve got things figured out. Too much comfort leads to stagnation.
50. Thinking is productive. The most productive time is when I do nothing but sit and think. It feels like I’m not doing anything useful, but it is one of the best investments one can make with their time. Sometimes you need to stop cutting long enough to sharpen the saw. Spend more time thinking.
51. Events are neither positive nor negative. Your reaction and interpretation are. You can be positive or negative about any situation. It is not the situation that is bad or good. Instead, it is a choice you make about how to interpret things.
52. Your limits are self-imposed and temporary. Just because you can’t do something now does not mean that you can’t learn how to do it. Your current identity can – and will – change. Your limits are determined by three things; how willing you are to look like a fool, your level of confidence in your ability to learn and grow, and your willingness to invest in yourself.
53. Take nothing for granted. If you take something for granted for too long, it will disappear. Pay attention to the things and the people that are important to you. If you don’t, they may not be there when you need them.
54. There will always be drama. But you can always choose to ignore it.
55. You can change the past. How you remember and interpret past events can – and does – change with time. If your perception of your experiences isn’t changing, you are not growing. Each time you recall the past, you can look at it through a different lens. By looking at it differently, you assign different meaning to it. You get to choose the interpretation of past events that suits your needs.
56. Slow is faster. Fast is slower. When you rush, or try to take shortcuts, getting a quality result almost always takes more time and effort. Slow down. By slowing yourself down and working methodically, you make fewer errors. You see more clearly what you need to do. And the efforts that you put forth count for more.

As a student of life, I am always seeking to learn and further develop myself. I don’t think any of the principles I’ve articulated here are anything new, but they are things I’ve learnt the hard way. While it is one thing to write them out and share them, I have to admit I still am working at fully integrating some of them. These are lessons that one can likely can only learn through experience.

I hope you found some of these concepts useful!

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Quotation that I have been pondering

We under-estimate the importance of treating our minds well. Which is why this quote from @RyanHoliday I saw on Twitter has been on my mind

Worth thinking about. And definitely worth putting some practices in place to keep your mind in an optimal state.

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Journal Prompt

We always strive to do more. But we can’t just keep doing more; the math doesn’t work.

Which leads to the conclusion that we need to lighten our load if we want to be able to advance.

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