How To Deal With Sh!t That Derails Your Plans

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Sh!t happens. Sorry, it just does.

Failure is an inevitable part of life. The author of the famous Harry Potter book series, J. K. Rowling, articulated it so well in a 2008 speech at Harvard;

Brilliantly said.

If you are reading this, there is a high probability that you are someone that is eager to live a meaningful life. And that means that at some point (at many, many points in fact), you are going to fail. Things are going to go wrong. There will be unexpected twists and turns, that you simply could not see coming.

As John Lennon famously said,

You can also consider Mike Tyson’s response when a reporter asked him if he was worried about Evander Holyfield and his flight plan;

Now that you understand your plans will go wrong, that events that you don’t expect will throw you off course, you need to prepare yourself for this inevitability. Bad things are going to happen, but that does not mean that you should allow them to derail achievement of your goals completely.

How you respond to these events matters.

You can get angry and lash out, ranting that the world is unfair. Or you can mope about it, wallowing in self-pity.

Or you can decide to just accept that shit happens in life and start figuring out how to make it better. You can use it as a learning opportunity and think about how you can be better prepared for such things in the future.

I realize that this is a gigantic leap to make in your mindset. It requires a level of maturity, to understand that something unexpected is not happening to you, but happening for you. To recognize that the event you are experiencing as negative is providing you with an opportunity to grow and improve, to develop yourself.

That is easier said than done, I cannot deny it.

But if you work at developing this mindset, it gets easier. Like changing anything in your life, you need to start small. And commit to changing how you respond (instead of reacting) to negative or unplanned events in life.

It has worked for me; I’ve seen it firsthand. Things that used to throw me right off, that would rile me up and get me angry now (sometimes!) just roll off me. Of course, I am not perfect at this! It is a never-ending journey, a journey of constantly seeking to improve one’s ability to respond to negative surprises in life.

But concretely, how do we take these “negative” experiences and turn them into opportunities for growth?

What to do?

Believe it or not, the process is actually fairly simple. (While the process may be simple, execution is challenging!)

When something unexpected happens that throws you off, that derails your plans, the first step is to decide to accept it. It happened. You need to realize that getting upset about it will not change the situation, nor make you feel better about things. So accept it.

Once you have accepted that this event or situation has occurred, take time to reset your nervous system. When things go wrong, your body will respond by spiking your cortisol levels. This will trigger your bodies natural “fight or flight” response, and you rarely will come up with ideal solutions to your challenge while in this state. Personally I have found that the best way to help combat this is through meditation. Take some time to sit and just “be”. Breathe deeply and slowly. It really is amazing how much you can impact how your body is responding just by slowing your breath down.

Once you have calmed your mind and body down, it is time to decide what you are going to do to resolve the issue in the short term. It is likely that you will need to take some immediate corrective action to respond to the situation. You may need to adjust your plans. You may need to ask someone for help. Take some time – while you are calm – and brainstorm how you might solve the immediate problem at hand. Don’t be afraid to ask others for advice; you are almost certainly not the first person to go through whatever it is you are dealing with.

Build up your resilience for similar future challenges

After having dealt with the immediate demands of the situation, it is time to really make yourself more resilient. You want to improve your capacity to respond to similar situations in the future. As Winston Churchill stated,

Reflect on how you can reduce the likelihood or the impact of a similar disruption in the future. Some typical approaches to making yourself more able to respond to setbacks effectively:

1. Build slack time into your schedule. Don’t over-commit yourself. Be more realistic about what you can accomplish. Things will take longer than you think. By leaving yourself some room to maneuver in your schedule, you ensure that the most important things get done.
2. Develop cash reserves. Many of the setbacks that you will encounter in life are more easily resolved if you have enough money set aside. Your car breaking down on you can really set you back, but not nearly as much if you have enough money in the bank to cover the cost of the repair. And yes, I know that this can be hard for many people, especially in the current economic climate. But you need to build up your cash reserves, even a tiny amount at a time, to help protect you from the inevitable setbacks of life.
3. Build up and nurture relationships. Having solid relationships can really make it easier to address an unexpected life event that throws you off. The surrounding people can help remind you of the meaning and purpose behind why you are doing what you are doing. Reconnecting with the bigger “why” helps one deal with setbacks and challenges. People in your network can also help you laugh at yourself or the situation (which is one of the best ways to let go of any anger). They can also help you keep things in perspective, which will help get you back on track.

Implementing these strategies can help shift you from reacting to responding when an unexpected setback occurs. In addition, as you gradually build up your tools and abilities to deal with surprises, you will become more resilient. Things that would have completely derailed you a couple of years ago will be nothing more than a minor inconvenience. By continuously improving your ability to respond to setbacks, you will set yourself up for long-term success, as well as lowering your stress levels.

That sounds to me like something worth investing in.

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Quotation that I have been pondering

I love this quote from the incredible author Ray Bradbury.

It is such a poignant reminder to ensure that we actually live. Not live to consume, to get the next thing, to accomplish the next goal. But to actually take in and savour the amazing world that is there right in front of us, if only we could pay attention.

Look at the world and see things as if you are seeing them for the first time. Allow yourself to be amazed by our stunning world.

Journal Prompt

A big part of building more resilience in your life is to ensure that there is enough breathing room in your schedule. Our natural tendency is to cram our schedules full, as we try to accomplish as much as we can, to drive ourselves forward as quickly as possible.

But this can cause a great deal of stress and anxiety when things don’t quite work out as we had hoped they would. Which will inevitably happen.

The best way to have a bit of slack in your schedule is to remove something from the things that you are planning on doing. That leads to this week’s journal prompt:

By removing an obligation that is lower on the priority scale, you free yourself up to have contingency. You will have a bit wiggle room to allow yourself to ensure that the most important things get the time and attention they deserve.

Your productivity – and overall life satisfaction – will go up. Which makes removing something a very worthwhile endeavour.

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Have an amazing week!

And remember, “better is always possible”.

Tim

Feeling burnt out at work? Had success, but now that success has you feeling trapped? I have been there. And I can help. Book a free call with me to learn how I can get you the clarity and accountability that you need to change that around.

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